O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree...

My tree looks like I threw Christmas at it and it stuck! It is chock full of festive baubles and trinkets. From mini bearded faces to glittery penguins and wooden hearts – along with lashes of tinsel and metallic beads.

At first I only had red berry lights - which to be honest positively screamed Satan instead of Santa... but since I have added multi coloured berry lights, alongside the red ones, it is all twinkly and friendly promoting Christmas cheer instead of Fear – phew!

Things I am enjoying about Christmas...

• Making and buying lots of nice gifts for everyone
• Opening my advent calendar
• The general festive spirit everywhere

Things I am looking forward to:

• The fun of Christmas day with all the food and games
• Finding out if I managed to gift well this year and that people like what I have got for them
• Watching all the Christmas films (Elf is top of my list!)

Things I am not liking so much...:

• The fact that some parcels containing presents are yet to be delivered – whereabouts unknown
• That there seem to simply hoards of charity people about who won’t take no for an answer first time, it is crazy. When I am on my lunch break in Leeds you can’t walk 5 steps before someone pops out and tries to get you to sign over an amount of money. I know it is all for a good cause, but seriously I give quite a lot to charity already and I really don’t have much to go around and it is Christmas so I pretty much need all my pennies.

Well I am off to do more Christmas prep... lots and lots of presents to wrap & I am going to do it whilst enjoying the awesomeness that is the film Wonder Boys.


James Leer: Professor Tripp? Can I ask you a question?
Grady Tripp: Yeah, James.
James Leer: What are we going to do with... it?
Grady Tripp: I don't know. I'm still trying to figure out how to tell the Chancellor I murdered her husband's dog.
James Leer: You?
Grady Tripp: Trust me, James, when the family pet's been assassinated, the owner doesn't want to hear one of her students was the trigger man

Wonder Boys

Matrix much?

I have just finished creating my new website. It is a site designed to showcase my paintings, illustrations and photography and it also previews the new Life of Susa range of designs. Go here and check it out: http://susiemcbeth.weebly.com/

For the love of blackbery

I am in love with my Blackberry Torch - it is an awesome phone. Easy to use, great features and a device just full of fun - I love it and would def recommend it. I think I am in danger of getting addicted to using it, but I so don't care :-)

The best imitation of myself

So it has been a while since I last posted. I guess I have been in a bit of a dark space for the last few months.

I was recently back at the hospital and they gave me some more pills to take, stronger than the last lot they gave me and now of course my hormones are going haywire... on top of the crazy hormones, which by the way caused day crippling headaches and a very dodgy stomach I have also managed to contract pharingitis (a not very nice throat infection)... but hey that's okay - it means I get to knock back super yucky tasting antibiotics - and the sugar on top of a very annoying situation is that I have many people unhappy with me due to the absence my illness/reactions are causing. So I am feeling very stressed out and anxious as I guess more stomach turning confrontation is ahead of me.

The thing is I am not dying - just having annoying medical issues that are hopefully on their way to being sorted. So I really should be a bit more cheery - it is just difficult when you feel rubbish and you know a lions den greeting is awaiting you. It sucks that the things I have been working so hard to achieve appear to be floating away, and not even that slowly - in with one tide, out with the next. Life has become awfully 2D recently; no one wants to see the world in 3D, not if it means they have to consider the grey of the situation. As someone once said to me - perception is reality... I guess I just need to get used to that.

Right, back to the black hole I have carved out for myself. . .

Sorry the last few blogs have been such a downer.

"I feel like a quote out of context
Withholding the rest
So I can be for you what you want to see
I got the gesture and sound
Got the timing down
It's uncanny, yeah, you think it was me"
Ben Folds Five - Best imitation of myself

Closer to the edge

I have been really bad and did not update my blog last month.

Seriously though, it is starting to feel a bit like I have been swallowed up by a black hole. If Richard Linklater, Wes Anderson and Charlie Kaufman decided to make a film together, that film, (I imagine) would be much like how my brain is feeling right now... I need more sleep

And rant alert (you have been warned)...

Seriously what is it with hospitals? If they have your test results in front of them (and yes, I checked, she had them right there in front of her) and they have verified that you are who you say you are (they called me – for starters) – why is it that they can’t tell you what your results are? Why do you need to wait a further 2 and a half weeks before your appointment? Plus when asked that if the tests showed something bad would they get you in sooner to discuss them – they answered no, you still need to wait... OMG! I seriously cannot believe it.

*Rant over*

And yeah, it can be kind of exhausting being positive all the time.

I will write again when I am in a better mood. I guess I am just feeling nervous about things. I hate waiting to find out stuff and I hate dealing with hospitals and doctors – even though I have had a fair amount of practice. Well, only 2 and a half weeks to go...

BTW – saw Prince of Persia at the cinema – it was great – I thought that Jake G did a fantastic job - Hope they make a sequel.

Plus the new 30 Seconds to Mars video - Closer to the Edge is awesome. Brilliant editing and it is nice to know that I got to be a part of that tour. Roll on December (yep I am going to see them again)

Waiting
Dean: “Excuse me, sir. You forgot your change.”
Redneck: “No, that's for you, that's your tip.”
Dean: “Oh, no, no, no, I insist. You take it. You obviously need this more than I do.”

Woody Allen moments aside...

OMG! I am such a drama queen. I can't believe I freaked out so much about turning 30. I mean I know I am only a few days in...but it's not so bad :-) Phew!

My birthday was a nice chilled day, starting with a very yummy breakfast at Mooch and ending with some yummy dinner with a few cute pressies along the way. All in all, I had a lovely time.

Well now that my birthday panic is over, I intend to make the most of this new decade I am entering...the new boxes I need to tick on forms, the more mature outlook on life (I am sure that will hit me sometime soon). Hmmm - I feel older and wiser already (not!)

Right! I am off to see what trouble I can get myself into - Chester here I come!

Alvy Singer: You know, I don't think I could take a mellow evening because I - I don't respond well to mellow. You know what I mean? I have a tendency to - if I get too mellow, I - I ripen and then rot, you know.
Annie Hall

I dream of taking the red pill: maybe then I'll wake up

I have had a fun couple of weeks. I went to the Stonewall Equality Dinner the other week. Lots of champagne, celebrities, a crazy auction and some really great company. I had the best time. Even though I ended up having a 'chundercat' moment at 5am (the champagne was def a contributing factor to this).

I also went to my first band practice with my new band and enjoyed hearing my songs transformed into something more. It was fun. I always forget just how much I enjoy playing music.

I have been doing lots of artwork recently and have been bubbling with cool ideas for a new series of photographs... I will reveal more once I have taken them :-) I do feel quite excited about it though.

I have also been making plans for my 30th birthday. 30! OMG! I still can't believe that I am turning 30. I don't feel any older and I feel there are lots more adventures to be had, so I guess it is all still good...but jeesh! 30 sounds like a damn scary age.
Hmmmm! Stepping away from another 30-life-crisis moment and swiftly moving on...

Well the last weekend of my 20's is nearly over and I am writing this whilst contemplating what it would be like to exist in a Utopian society and if one will ever exist. Is peace really the stuff of science fiction and if it does exist, can utopia really truly exist without anything eventually destroying it?

I have been contemplating things like this a lot recently. Meh! must be my age.

Morpheus: Have you ever had a dream, Neo, that you were so sure was real? What if you were unable to wake from that dream? How would you know the difference between the dream world and the real world?
The Matrix

Star gazing: Silence in the night sky

Twirling, a whirling dervish

A dancer with two left feet

Each step

Exploring the fathoms of the universe

Amidst the satin white pages

Thick with

The smell of new chances and memories hidden


Like secrets

Whispering

The fires

Burn brightly


Rose petals

Spreading the scent of desire

By fingertips and empty footprints


The haze of twilight

Keeps you still

Though your heart, leaps in time with the oncoming night

Pink stained cheeks, once hot

Now frozen in the fires of starlight



by Susie McBeth

Eyes Wide Shut: Keeping my head above water

March was one mother of a month... Seriously! It has had more ups and downs than a rollercoaster and for the most part has really not been fun.

Some high points of the month:

1. Discovering I really really like Regina Spektor’s music
2. The Criminal Minds mini marathon that I set up for myself last Sunday
3. A very fun party that I went to in Hebden Bridge last week
4. The awesome business cards that I recently designed for myself
5. The fun I had recording Sugar-coated (the final mix is pretty damn awesome!)
6. The dream I had last night about touring with 30 Seconds to Mars – it was so cool
   

Some low points...

1. The fact that I had a melt down at work last week and ended up crying for most of the
   morning (not a good day)
2. I was low on money for most of the month, which was greatly depressing, and quite difficult
3. I cut the top of my leg quite badly by being very clumsy and now I have a scar
4. Two very rude and horrible phone calls from an insufferable person (seriously if you have
   nothing nice, constructive or relevant to say – shut the hell up!)

Well at least the high points out list the low... Generally though, March was a month of mishaps, and stressful situations – peppered with some happy moments.

I am glad to see the back of March, roll on April - Birthday month J Yay!

John Givings: “You want to play house you got to have a job. You want to play nice house, very sweet house, you got to have a job you don't like.”
Revolutionary Road

This is war!

30 Seconds to Mars saved my February.




MEN arena was sparking with excitement and anticipation. Rounds of Mexican waves rippled through the arena in the build up to the main event. Jared, rocking a Mohawk and full of front man magnetism opened the concert from behind a filmy black curtain; fist thrust high in the air, singing the spine tingling opening track from ‘This is War’ – ‘Escape’.

The atmosphere was amazing with crowd members getting stuck into singing the Summit/Echelon parts on the songs leaving as always the feeling that the fans really are part of 30 Seconds to Mars.

Jared, Tomo & Shannon whipped up their army of followers into a frenzy of awesomeness and pulled out a great set of songs including (but not all of): Attack, Beautiful Lie, Night of the Hunter, This is War (which was accompanied by a really cool vid reel of images), the Kill, Closer to the Edge, Search & Destroy, From Yesterday, Vox Populi and Capricorn. Songs missed and MIA (in my opinion): Re-Evolve, The Mission, Saviour... Mind you, if it were up to me I would have got them to play all 3 of their albums back to back plus any covers and b-sides they do - but that is just me and I am feeling a wee bit greedy! :-)

The mini sets that the band played in different parts of the arena, gave new perspective to the concert and let the audience really get involved and created a unique experience.

The performance of Vox Populi was electric. The crowd encouraged by the band and the Street Drum Corp to stomp and clap in unison on the choruses amplified the performance 10 fold. Hot, sweaty and bouncing (literally) with excitement the band and the fans spent the whole set singing, screaming, clapping, thrusting their fists and throwing the horns – and really just having a great time – and as anyone who has been to see 30 Seconds to Mars before knows, this is standard practice at a Mars gig. You get what you pay for and a whole lot more.

As for the support acts, the first band, LostAlone were rubbish. I am not sure quite what they were doing. The guitar playing was fine, and the singers vocal were not too bad but asking a crowd to chant your name on only the 2nd song – when only a minority of people even know who you are just seemed a bit much, also at one point the singer exclaimed:
“I hope you don’t mind Manchester, I just needed to get that out!” What did he need to get out Manchester? – cos it sure as hell was not awesome rock...
Their songs blended into each other, they didn't sound original and they bored me. There are a lot of other bands out there doing a similar style of music - just a lot better.

However, the other support was fantastic. The Street Drum Corp were engaging and fabulous from the first moment they hit the stage and their drums. Neon gloves, awesome hip thrusting moves and phenomenal drum beats and great vocals and lyrics. Within 2 seconds I was hooked. I look forward to getting their CD and hopefully to going to see them play again in the future.

Well this is the 4th time I have been to see 30 Seconds to Mars and I am already looking forward to going to see them again!

Well until next month...I’m hoping for a good March.

"All the soarings of my mind begin in my blood."
Rainer Maria Rilke

"Meet me... in Montauk..."

February has been a trying month so far. Cold bleak and miserable at points, to be honest I will not be sad to see the back of this month. The saving grace in this month of calamity and trials is that I get to go see 30 Seconds to Mars play in Manchester this Saturday. Which I am sure will be awesome.

So far this month I have had to contend with illness, a couple of horrible weeks of work, more bad weather and the loss of a few of my favourite items of clothing (courtesy of my dog).
On the happier side of the month some things I did enjoy were; reading way too much Orson Scott Card & Lauren Maddison, re-watching ‘Away we go’ and ‘(500) days of summer’; becoming addicted to the new season of Criminal Minds and being enthralled with Matthew Gray Gubler’s awesome website (his sketches & paintings are amazing).

Recently I have been thinking a lot about ‘Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind’- If you could choose to erase your memories from a certain point in your life would you? I don’t think I would do it to erase any previous relationships (well maybe one or two), but you know I might be indulgent and rid myself of some of the more mundane experiences that we have to go through for long periods of time. Like for instance a job experience that sucked out your soul and left it half dead on the doormat, or maybe just the entire experience of GCSE maths... Who knows – would be a handy option to have. Anyway, it is a great film and if you have not seen it – you really should!

I am hoping next month will be brighter in all ways...

“I threw your keys in the water, I looked back, They’d frozen halfway down in the ice. They froze up so quickly, the keys and their owners, Even after the anger, it all turned silent, and The everyday turned solitary, So we came to February.”

February by Dar Williams (1st verse)

Provehito in altum

It has been a bit of a funny month so far. Mother Nature is still going strong with the snow. I fell into a snow drift the other day that was knee deep (I kid you not!). Plus wandering around in -5 conditions is not fun, no matter how many layers of clothing you are wearing.

I have managed to be fairly creative this month – working on some art work and some jewellery as well as developing some story ideas further. I am just hoping to stay motivated...

The doom and gloom of the back to work feeling has set in, but I am pushing through it – the joys of Christmas & Christmas holiday freedom could not last forever. However, on the sunnier side of things, I am all settled into the cottage (and it is awesome). The views are amazing (see the couple of pictures below) and the nearest town of Hebden Bridge is fantastic. There is a really great cafe/bar there called Mooch. It is very cosy with great food and drink, decorated to perfection and is really eclectic and friendly with lovely staff. I could easily get very addicted to the place. Their Chai teas are amazing! Check out their site: http://www.moochcafe.co.uk/

Some things I have liked this month:

• Some off the cuff swing dancing by a totally cute couple at a birthday party. Was a pretty awesome sight to behold, they were both very talented.


• The fact that I am still constantly listening to This is War by 30 Seconds to Mars – I am completely addicted, roll on Feb, I can’t wait to go see them play when they come to Manchester


• Beatles Rockband on X-Box 360 (and yes I am totally rocking it)


• Re-reading the Ender Saga by Orson Scott Card – hands down my favourite Sci-Fi books ever. A fantastic read.

Some things that I am not loving so much:

• The difficulty in getting to work due to the masses of snow everywhere


• Onions – I really don’t like them & the feeling is mutual – please don’t make me eat them!


• Lacks of funds... roll on payday

Well I hope everyone is enjoying the beginning of 2010! Happy New Year!

But I don't want to go among mad people," Alice remarked."Oh, you can't help that," said the Cat: "we're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.""How do you know I'm mad?" said Alice."You must be," said the Cat, "or you wouldn't have come here."
(Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, chapter 6)